On my Mind

How was Your Christmas? - Mine was okay. We flew up to Calgary to the in-laws. I am thankful that we even got to our destination seeing how much snow there was here on the Wet Coast. Am I ever thankful that I live in Victoria and not Vancouver. Almost nothing was getting out of Vancouver. Here is a word of advice to anyone flying within Canada. Do NOT ever fly with Air Canada! They suck and cancelled almost all of their flights and they will almost always lose your luggage. I am EVER glad we flew West Jet if they fly there I will ALWAYS fly West Jet. We got in at about 1:30am as opposed to 10:20pm but we go in. Aaron was good the whole flight and all the waiting we did in the airport prior to boarding, but he lost it when we landed and were stuck on the tar mack waiting for a gate. He ended up screaming himself to sleep in Eric's lap while I sang to him and rubbed his face.

My Christmas was okay it just didn't feel like Christmas. It was a great first Christmas for Aaron my dad flew up as well and both his Grandpa's and Grandma were there, but it seemed to be more focused on the gifts and not family or the Birth of Christ. I am done travelling for Christmas for the next few years unless it's to Vancouver. Another part of it is that my MIL drives me nuts and I swear to god she hates me. I want to like her, but she is either hot or cold but I will post about her another day. It was good in that I got to see my best friend who is living in Calgary and I go to reconnect with an old high school friend who is living there that I didn't know of. Thank-you Facebook! So all in all my Christmas was good, it just didn't FEEL like Christmas.

Now it is New Years Eve and I have straightened my hair, shaved, a cute outfit to wear and a place to go with Aaron where we can spend the night and I can have a few drinks and my stomach is doing crazy things! And I'm not sure if venturing out of the house is the wisest idea. I'm not sure if I have a flu bug or if it's my damn IBS. Eric had a 24 flu bug the other night but I thought Aaron and I were safe as we have both had out flu shots. It feels like IBS I haven't had an issue with it for a long time. Before I was pregnant I think. And I break all the rules and eat and drink things I am not suppose to. I drink alcohol, coffee and carbonated beverages (not that often.) I eat red meats, raw fruit and veggies, dairy and whatever else your not suppose to eat when you have IBS.

Well I'm pumping myself full of Imodium and hoping that it works so I can enjoy tonights festivities. If not, I'll be staying in. Which is a far cry from my New Years Eve 10 years ago. At this time I was well on my way to be drunk with my friends and did not have a clue what the night held in store for me. Which to date is still my funnest New Years yet. Well I am going to go. Happy New Years to you all and my 2009 be your year!

PS - I have a new blog, this one was random one I came up with when I was preggers and this one has more flava.

Hello Hello

This picture doesn't do my tree justice. If I had a more powerful flash I'm sure it would've. But that's what I get for using a point and shoot. Merry Christmas to all. Were off to Calgary tonight (I hope) if our flight takes off. So far it has been delayed an hour, which isn't bad considering how many flights have been cancelled out of our airport. I have few more things to pack for Aaron. A few bottles (not that he will drink out of any of them) and some food should he need to eat.

In other news my ribs still hurt a lot. When I lay certain ways or pick Aaron up it hurts. I think I aggravated it when I carried him on my hip for an extended period of time and when I shoveled the stairs. Stupid, stupid stupid. Aaron is fighting a cold or is teething. Poor little guy is so congested I wish I could do something for him other than use a vaporizer and taking him into the steaming bathroom. Despite being a little whiny Aaron is pretty happy for the most part. I'm sure it isn't anything some extra fluids ans sleep won't fix. He sure is vocal. He keeps saying "Da da, da, da..." over and over but I don't think he has made the association with Daddy. Now we can work on Ma Ma... Well I must be off and finish the last little minute details of packing. Merry Christmas and all!

The Klutz In Me

I am am indeed a klutz. Yesterday I proved yet again how klutzy I am when I fell down the stairs while carrying Aaron in his car seat. He's fine and was strapped in I however have some bruised ribs which will take 3-4 weeks to heal. When I fell, I fell on top of his car seat handle which would account for the bruised ribs. He cried a bit as he was scared but was fine. We decided to start using the side door door instead od the front door as to not track dirt and crap into the living room as it has been snowing around here and the first time I attempt to carry the baby out I go and hurt myself. I dont' know why I fell I didn't trip on anything I must have lost my footing and/or been carrying too much as Eric seems to think I had Aaron in his car seat, a diaper bag and my purse, or I was too tired or too rushed as I had to be across town to baby sit my friends son.

I am now begining to regret the 30 lb Graco Safe Seat, he is only 20 lbs and no where near being out of it, Not only is a it a bitch to carry, but I can hardly manage to get him in it with his snow suit on. The temperature has been below 0 celius which is rare around here. It's been about -8 C with the wind chill which is nothing. It's just getting us prepared for the -20 to -30's which we will be experiencing when we go to Calgary for Christmas.

Well I must be off. Aaron and I are heading out the a Le Lache Legue meeting and I don't want to be rushed and will be using the front door as I managed to knock the side door out of the door jam and it has issues closing. (I blame this on our land lady's shady handyman who left fresh cracks when he grouted the bathroom tile not 6 weeks ago.)

It's snowing!!!

It's snowing in wonderful Victoria, British Columbia Canada. Were the southern most city in the province, Port Angeles WA is just a ferry ride away. We do not get snow much here in the capital but we are now. I would estimate that there is about 3 inches which is nothing, but 3 inches and the city pretty much comes to a stand still! I'm at a friend's party (and I'm blogging I'm such a geek) trying to call a cab in the spare room and I all 4 companies have busy signal not sure how I'm getting home. I was kind enough to be a designated driver and fetch people outside to city limits. And I don't have that much snow driving experience growing up in suburban Vancouver BC. But I did live in Halifax, Nova Scotia for a winter. And I taught myself to drive in the snow up on Westwood Plateau in an empty parking lot in 11Th grade when my daddy told me not to! Donuts are fun to do in the snow. (When your 17).

Now that my driving is over it's time to have some fun!

It's Friday Night and I...

"...Feel alright

The party's here on the West Side"

It's Friday night and I'm feeling pretty good. Montell Jordan's "This is How we Do It" is stuck in my head taking back to 1995 when I was in grade 7. I feel like writing. It's Friday night The Boy (aka Aaron) is in bed, fiance is out at a friend's and I'm kicking it with a glass of wine.

I didn't intend to do anything on my Friday night but due to my neighbours party and a bunch of rowdy kids I packed Aaron up and headed out at 8pm to keep my sanity. Our house isn't the sturdiest of houses (were in another duplex) and I often hear my neighbours kids not that I mind I just wasn't in the mood for it tonight. So Aaron and I went to the mall and finished up Daddy's Christmas shopping. Then we headed to Save-On Foods and did a little grocery shopping. I am in the mood for a Greek salad and fiance will not eat this so I have been putting off buying the ingredients... but I am in the mood to be healthy and to tone up and eating healthy helps. I'm going to Las Vegas at the end of March with 2 of my very good friends and I want to look smoking hot which is going require a lot of time at the gym.

I'm also going to attempt to make this Pineapple Pumpkin Cheesecake recipe tomorrow and needed to buy the ingredients. My sister was to email me her recipe which is just delicious but kids and life got in the way so I am going to wing it and take it to a Christmas party tomorrow and test in on drunk people. If all goes well I will make it on Christmas.

My glass of white wine is dwindling which means I should be going to bed. I did get my hair cut and colored today. I went from blond highlights to a deep chocolate brown. I have issues with when I got my hair colored shortly before Aaron's birth to which you can see roots in his birth photo which had been fixed by the hair stylist not half a week before. (I had wanted a fresh hair style before the birth of my child) Who leaves a salon with half an inch of roots? Anyways they can be seen in this photo and you can see Aaron after his entrance into this world.

Do to technical difficulties on my part I am sure... please view the picture at the top of my post.

Cheers.

SK

It is time....

To resurrect the old blog that is. I haven't written in over 2 months. That's horrible I know. I just haven't wanted to or had to drive to. So if I even have one reader which I doubt, I'll go ahead an do a little update bullet style.

• We moved! Yay for moving. We moved out of military housing and into a nicer area of town. Our old neighbours were such jerks we (read I) couldn't take it. This was a very stressful time for us. But were setting in nicely. The only thing that sucks is that most of our friends live on the other side of town. Another downer: the friggin neighbours moved the day before us!!! And we had no idea. They got posted on the other side of the country and our new neighbours would've been a young childless couple who seemed nice!



• Aaron is 8 months old, almost 8 1/2 months. Where has my baby gone?? He's crawling and starting to pull himself up on things.



• We're still breast feeding and he hates drinking formula from a bottle or sippy cup for that matter. He will drink water from a sippy cup. I limit juice very much sometimes he gets a sip or 2 from my glass. I want to partially wean him but I don't see it happening. He's eating 2 meals a day. I just wish he would take a bottle or 2. I don't blame him for not wanting formula it tastes so gross. Why does formula taste so gross???? A friend suggested I try soy formula as it tastes sweeter? Maybe I should try Enfamil? Does anyone have any suggestions?



• For Christmas were flying up to Calgary for a week to the in-laws. My dad is flying up too so Aaron while have 1.5 sets of grandparents there.



• As for me I am doing better an seem to have gotten out of my deep emotional hole with help of a little pill called Zoloft. I ended up seeing a PPD (Post Partum Depression) psychiatrist who put me on it and I feel like my old self and have been discharged from her services but she wants me to remain on the anti-depressants for a year.



• I am not sure what to do with our cat for Christmas she cant just be looked in on everyday by a friend she needs constant attention so I think we'll be taking her with us to the in-laws. Thanks to the wonderful folks over at West Jet we can take her as carry on in her kitty carrier. (I do plan on getting some special kitty treats at the vet for her aka kitty sedatives)



• I can't wait to put my tree up! I just don't know what to do to keep the baby from away from it? Any suggestions?

Well readers (if I have any) I am going to go now and see what Aaron has gotten himself into and hopefully have him in bed before Grey's Anatomy starts. For now I will leave you with this:

Scroll up as I can't seem to get the picture down here do to technical issues.

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Contest Time

I am posting this pic of Aaron a contest over here. I could potentially win a new bedroom set (Summer Breeze) for my little lad. I took this picture of him one day when he fell asleep on me when I was wearing him in his sling. I couldn't get him to nap any other way. I had to take him off but didn't want to disturb him so somehow I managed to get him and the sling off in one go and he was still out cold. He was about 2 1/2 months when this was taken.

My Meme

This was taken from Ginger’s blog.

It’s a week late, but better late than never considering I hardly ever post. It’s a fun way for any readers (if I even have any) to get to know me. I am not going to tag anyone as I don’t really delurk often enough to get to know my fellow readers.


The “rules” of the game are as follows:

1. Post the rules on your blog.
2. Write 6 random things about yourself.
3. Tag 6 people at the end of your post.

1) I am half Canadian and half American. My mother is American and moved to Canada when she was 18 and has been here ever since. I wish I could’ve lived the ideal American dream, which to me is the Friday night football games and everything that centers on that phenomenon. I grew up within an hour of the American border and cross border trips were a big part of me growing up. I remember one day while driving between Sumas WA and Bellingham WA out in the middle of nothing but farms coming across a high school with a football stadium in the middle of nowhere. I was awestruck and wondered why we didn’t have this back home. (Yes I am true to my country and I like hockey.) I just always wanted to go to high school in the states and have my life center around that way of life. (I wouldn’t/couldn’t be cheer leader if my life depended on it as my body doesn’t bend that way)

2) I love country music. Tim McGraw is my favorite country artist and I’ve seen him two times in concert. Once in Vancouver and once in at The Gorge in Washington state. My love of country music came to be from sneaking into the local country bar when I was 18 as it was easy to get in if you paid off the bouncer. (The legal drinking age in BC is 19.) When I would be working I would tune into the local country station as it reminded me of my favorite bar.

3) I have wanted to have baby since I can remember. I have one and I get Post Partum Depression. WTF?

4) Favorite TV show: Grey’s Anatomy I found a new love when I discovered that show. However, lately either I’ve changed or the writng sucks as I am getting sick of the whole Meredith/Derek on again off again crap. I think when ABC decided to write out Isaiah Washington off of the show it was a huge mistake. I wasn’t a huge fan of him and I indeed do think he made the remarks that he made BUT he did apologize tried to make amends; which counts for something in my book.

5) I fell in love at the tender age 12. With Tom Cruise that is. From the 1st time I saw Top Gun on a late night movie special, I never looked back. He had me at “Talk to me Goose.” My pre-pubescent crush grew into a celebrity crush which had now changed to a lack of respect for him. I now think he is a bit of as loon and with the whole post partum/Brook Shields thing and having it I definitely do not view him the same. But his smile and dimples still get me. Every.single.time.

6) When I eat a meal I will eat one food before moving onto the next. If my meal consists of potatoes, a meat and a vegetable I will usually eat them one at a time. My brother and sister do this too. It must be a weird gene that runs in our family.

Time sure has gone by

Holy Crap! My little Aaron is 6 months old today! I can't believe where the time has gone or how much he has changed. I am forever the absent blogger! I am more in love with my son now than I could've ever imagined. I can't believe how long and how short these last 6 months have been. He has his own little personality that’s budding, he is near crawling and is happy most of the time; however when he gets mad, does he get mad! I love how he smiles at me or just looks at me and how everything is of interest to him. Now if someone would just let him now that when he sleeps on his stomach, it isn’t kosher to put to his face into the mattress. He likes to give me a scare on a nightly/daily basis. I always put him down on his back if he isn’t too sleepy he will turn to his side or tummy, and I will stand over him for 5-10 minutes adjusting him and trying to reposition him so his head isn’t face planted into the mattress. I wonder what the next 6 months will bring?

As for other areas of my life, our relationship with our neighbours has rapidly soured and were currently looking for a new place to live. I am stressed out and on edge all the time. I will try to post more, so that I may actually gain some readers.

Love Thy Neighbour

Or not... Ever since Eric and I moved into our current place we have had noise issues with our neighbors. We live in a duplex with paper thin walls with young couple with a 1 year baby next door; an extremely loud and inconsiderate couple.

When I first met them when we were looking at the place my first though was that she seemed a little rough around the edges but at the time her kid was 2 months old and a new baby can make anyone who is sleep deprived a little rough around the edges. We moved in one week before Christmas (a crappy time to move which I don't recommend to anyone) and being that they were on Christmas leave we could here a lot of extra bass from their TV. We let it go then were gone for 2 months on vacation which was pure bliss. Then they came home in the last few weeks of my pregnancy when I was not getting very much sleep.

My issue is with the female we'll call her Sarah. She can't weigh more than 130 lbs tops but walks around and bangs doors like she is 6'5" and 225 lbs. I have asked many times to keep it down at night and it never seems to last long. Throughout the summer things seemed to have gotten better her and I even went out for a drink last Friday night I was giving her a chance all I want is to get along possibly make a friend, but it all came to halt 24 hours later.

Our neighbors were partying and being loud last Saturday night along with their dogs. The have an older dog and just got puppy and ever since they got their puppy their older dog barks like there is no tomorrow as this puppy pisses him of constantly. Well their dog woke up Aaron and Eric lost it and went over to them and told them to "Shut their f***ing dog up." Needless to say that ended any chance of a budding friendship. I was pissed at him but it was 8 months of frustration that spewed out in one statement. I get his frustration. He apologized the next day but the damage was done. On Wednesday morning at around 4am all I could here was banging and slamming of doors. On the other side of my house in our room which doesn’t share a wall with them. (I have to sleep with a fan all the time for white noise as Sarah is so frickin loud!) Anyway so I go over open my front door and their front door is open and I asked her to keep it down as I hadn't gotten any sleep (this goes with having a baby) and she said "Neither have I" in a tone that implied if she couldn’t' sleep that neither should anyone else. She was cleaning up after the puppy that happened to be on the front lawn, hence the door being open. All I said was I ask nicer than Eric and went inside. The next day I went to the housing agency to complain which they told me to put in writing so I sent an email when I got home., I don't know if the agency has followed up or not but our neighbors will not look at us nor will their friends across the street. Not that I care much. I think I have right to be able to sleep in my house at night if my baby is asleep as he likes to get up a lot. From now on I will complain when their loud in the middle of the night. I am fed up we have asked to move units but so far we have been shot down. (We’re renting military housing as it is a lot cheaper than renting at market value.)

I have been a bad blogger and will hopefully be more diligent with my posts.

Update:

Not an hour or so after I wrote this nad went to bed, the yahoos next door were thumping and banging around as per usaul at 11:30pm so of coure I go over there and ask them to keep it down and the first thing the husband asks is "What time is it?"Like I am infringing on his rights or whatever. After this his puppy proceeds to run into my house which I have to capture and bring back to another neighbour at their door as he just walked away.WTF did we do to them? Were going to ask them today (put much nicer of course) and we shall see what the response is.

Where am I?

Currently I am sitting in a HoJo hotel after a blissful night of sleep! That's right this mama to one has managed a whole nights sleep! With the aide of a sleeping pill, but I don't think it would've made a difference. I sleep so well at hotels. My dad was kind enough to stay at my place and look after Aaron for the night. Eric stopped by for a bit, but went home to be there just in case and for my piece of mind. I went to bed at 11pm, woke up once for an hour to pump with a crappy electric pump (I've got to find my hand pump) and slept till 10am! Now I am contemplating a dip in the pool.... What to do?

No Better Time Than the Present

To write a post that is. Today was a good day. Despite the fact that aaron was up at 8:30am instead of 10am. Sometimes if I am lucky, the baby sleeps till 10am! But that usually means he goes to bed after 10pm at night which makes for a long day. I feel like I got a lot done. I went to my PPD group, I cleaned my kitchen with the exception of the floors (that’s on tomorrows to do list) I took a few hours out for myself did a little shopping, went to a lake that I had never been to on a hope, and prayer and fumes ( I miscalculated my gas as I didn’t realize how far this lake actually was, nor did I know there wouldn’t be a gas station on the way) I made dinner, and Eric and I took the baby for a walk. I managed to get through the day without an emotional outburst or crying fit. Not that this happens every day but somehow it usually comes to pass on a Friday or a Sunday… I need to blog more. I have so many posts floating around in my head. It would be optimal to post when I am having a bad day and use my blog as an outlet.

One thing I want to ask any of you mothers reading out there is if you have any advice for a baby who likes to go into blood curdling, raging crying fits? Lately when I breast feed Eric if he doesn’t get latched on ASAP he freaks the f*** out. I think this is due partly to the fact that he is my child and an Aries. (When I didn’t get my way as a toddler I would throw tantrums to the point of pulling my hair out. [I hope he doesn’t do this] I don’t know how my mom explained why her toddler had bald spots. Maybe she told them I had alopecia.) I used to be able to side nurse him at night laying side to side but lately he will have none of this. He will turn his head looking for his boob, but the second it isn’t in his mouth it’s meltdown time. I used to be able to get him on his side but he won’t have any of this either. Sometimes he get so worked up I just have to let him cry for 5 minutes because no amount of rocking, soothing, bouncing, singing will calm him. Then offer him the breast again to calm him which works because he is so upset he forgot what got him all upset to being with. We give him a bottle at night so he sleeps longer could this have anything to do with it s a bottle is easier and he doesn’t have to work for it? We use slow flow nipples on the advice of a doctor who is very knowledgeable on breastfeeding so he will continue to work when he’s at the boob. So if any of you have any suggestions please comment away.

Random

I am a very bad blogger! I have so many posts going on in my head when I am lying down to sleep at night that never get written. Maybe I should start sleeping with the laptop. My excuse is currently sleeping in my bed, My son Aaron. I just seem to bed tired all.the.time. For awhile he would sleep 6 hours for the first leg of the night, then it was between 4-6 hours, sometimes now its 3 hours. Eric wants to start Aaron on solids already, I am not for this. He read somewhere that if a baby is 15 lbs and 4 months old they can be started on rice pablum. My son is on the cusp of being 15 lbs and will be 4 months on August 1st. I, am fine waiting until he is 6 months old, but the fiancé is pressing the issue, he thinks Aaron will sleep better. I am breast feeding him and supplementing him with formula before bed which makes him sleep longer. At the moment his sleep schedule is all messed up, which admittedly is my fault. I took him over to my dad's for a few days and kept him up later. In my defense, I have a lot of socializing to get in when I am there to even out the loneliness here. Which Is why I initially started to blog when I moved here a year and half ago.

Well the boy is up from his nap which means my little post is doen for now.

10 years ago today...

I was 16. And I am remember this day very clearly as I got my drivers license on June 30th, 1998. I can't believe how fast 1o years has flown bye. And oddly enough I remember the events (or most of them) of today pretty clearly. Oddly enough I had my road test at the same time as a close friend, I passed, she failed therefore I wasn't able to celebrate at the DMV because she was so down. Instead of driving home with my driving instructor I ended up going home with said friend and her mom (who followed her to the DMV as her road test was with the same driving school I was in, and her mom wanted to be there in case she failed.) My dad picked me up from her house and I picked up another friend and went on my first adventure by myself to the beach! It was only later that night after dropping everyone off at their places that I realized I was driving by myself for the first time! I was a little freaked out, but made it home alive.

And here I am 10 years later on a day just as hot, a day which I did not drive or go to the beach. Instead my partner did the driving and I got a CT scan instead. Oh how much has changed in 10 years.

Why I love Tim McGraw

This is why I love Tim McGraw! Did I mention I was a country music loving Grey's Anatomy addicted Canuck who is secretly American at heart. (I'm half American.) And to think I considered going to this concert as it's near Seattle WA and I am only a few hours from Seattle. (But I didn't think taking 12 week old infant was a smart thing to do.) It can also be viewed on Youtube here.

Co-Sleeping

Is a controversial topic to most people, parents and non-parents in my opinion; to each their own. It doesn't work for me. Before Aaron was born I knew I didn't want to do it because it wasn't a habit that I wanted to have to break him of later on in life. The 1st night in the hospital he was in the little clear bassinet all swaddled on his back. We were only in the hospital one night. The second night home I laid in the guest with him all.night.long. Because all he wanted to do was nurse as my milk hadn't come in and I way to tired after 42.5 hours of labor to sit up and feed him. Needless to say I was a zombie the next day.

On his third night of life, I got the idea to sleep him swaddled in the horseshoe shaped breast feeding pillow. This lasted about 2 weeks. He would sleep in the bed with me, in his own area. Being a new mom, I wanted to be able to see him in the middle of the night. Eventually he was put in the bassinet next to me after I got over not having to see him and settled on hearing him. (We were sleeping with a night light.) This lasted maybe 2 weeks, I was very sleep deprived as I am a light sleeper and every little grunt or snore would wake me up. Especially an hour before he would wake up for his next feed he would be grunting and squealing and it kept me up. When he was about a month old I moved his bassinet to his own room, where he still currently sleeps but in his stroller. How did we arrive to this you might wonder? He was always inclined a little in his bassinet (me being afraid he may choke on his own vomit, silly new mother mistake) and then we went on a road trip and used his stroller as a bed and my son got used to sleeping on an incline. So when we came home and he would only do 2 hours in his bassinet it was back to his stroller because he will do up to 6 hour sleep stretches sometimes 7! So I am not one to mess with that! But now that Aaron is 13.5 lbs I think that he needs to get used to sleeping on his back because he is getting to be a big boy and will be ready for his crib soon.

As for co-sleeping when I was pregnant my sister said "Wait and see till your a mother, you'll do anything to sleep yourself." (She co-slept with her 3 kids and had a hell of a time breaking 2 of them.) Now that I am a mom I wish I could co-sleep with my son, but I can't sleep with him next to me I will often side nurse him at night but put him back in his room when he is done. I wish I could so I could have more of a bond with Aaron but I just don't sleep well with him in bed with me. (My fiancé is currently sleeping in the guest room due to a hacking cough he has at the moment, in case you are wondering where his sleeping arrangements fit in.)

Some how I feel odd that I am not able to co-sleep with my baby and that I am missing out but I don't know what I can do to make it work so I see it as one habit of not breaking him of. I still usually wake up right before he does because my mommy clock is in tune with him. I wear him as much as I can and I will nap with him during the day in bed, some how I can sleep like this but not deeply and in the mornings often I will wheel his stroller in the room as it is darker in our room and he sleeps longer this way.

Do you co-sleep with your baby?

Inspired Post

I could write about my latest meltdown, or my post partum depression, or recent visit from my in-laws that was cut short, but I would rather write about a lighter subect on baby slings. This post has been inspired by this blog that I read.

Currently I am trying to decide on a sling/carrier for my almost 3 month old son Aaron. I have at the moment 5 carriers/slings in the house. I am turning into a carrier whore. I started off with a Snugli I used a few times with my niece last year, followed by a Baby Bjorn. Neither which provide good support for me and I've been told that baby carriers that support babies by their crotch isn't good for their spines (not that I've researched this or had time to.) I then got a Momo Sling (ring sling) which is great but it has a lot of fabric and I find it bulky.

This week my dad got me a Hotsling, which the one time we've really used it I loved it. I need to re-watch the DVD and try him in the different holds. He was sleeping the one time I used it, but I want to try it with him awake. He likes facing outwards in the Baby Bjorn. I really want a carrier which is comfy for me the wearer and Aaron. So now enters an Ergo carrier that I am currently borrowing from La Leche League, so far he hasn't taken to it nor has he the Hotsling as when I try in it when he's awake he just screams... I am hoping I am catching on a bad moment. Because I just want to wear him when were out and not have him make a fuss. Plus I would like to be able to breastfeed him when we're out without sitting down somewhere. So I am thinking it will probably come down to a Beco or an Ergo. I don't have a Beco in my possession but have used my friends and we both loved it. The downside of the Beco is that the designs tend to air on the girly side and the 4th Generation Beco has been discontinued and I haven't heard good things about the Butterfly Beco, but I haven't tried it. The Ergo so far I like it. I just need to get Aaron to like it. And on the plus side Daddy can where him in it too. And Daddy wouldn't be caught dead in anything girly.

Well this post shall be wrapped up. Aaron is in bed for his 11pm bedtime (a time I am not crazy about, but he's stuck on it for the moment) which means its my bedtime too. If I were normal I would be able to co-sleep with my son, but because I am such a light sleeper it just doesn't work for me. That is something I would like to blog about soon. And my new love BOB which I just want to have but can't bare to spend the money on.

Today

For once I feel that I actually accomplished a lot while my son had his 3 hour nap. Usually I sleep especially since I have been pegged with a nasty cold/flu/sore throat combo and haven't been able to rest properly.

In no particular order I went the store, washed my car, detailed upholstery in my car, got a shag in, cleaned the bathroom to bottom and did a load of laundry. To most accomplished housewives, this is probably nothing. But for me, this is a miracle. (The in-laws are coming tomorrow so this may be what really lit the fire under my ass)

Me

I am finally able to write another post! This is exciting! The baby is sitting next to me in his bouncy seat listening to country music with me happily amusing him self. Who knows how long it will last for...

There is so much I want to write about I don't know where to begin. PPD (Post Partum Depression) is good place to start. Ever since I had my son, I have not been feeling like myself. I cried a lot in the weeks following his birth (I am told this is normal due to the surge of hormones going through my body) but in the last few weeks, I have never felt so down, depressed, or hopeless in my life. Sometimes I don't feel connected to him but feel I am just a food source. I don't think I am or was ready for motherhood, which is strange considering all I have ever wanted in my life is to be a mother or so I thought. I am 26 years old, by no means too young to be a mother. I just feel that I haven't lived enough.

I have lost my independence, my body and my "me" time. I don't live near any support network being a military "wife" read fiancé. I am getting help for my PPD I am going to a support group and seeing a counselor. But seeing a counselor once every 2-3 weeks isn't enough for me. Having a baby has forced me to deal with several issues that have come to a head since having him. Both my parents, (who are divorced and its 2 totally separate issues with each parent) and 2 separate siblings. (I have 3, one we all need to deal with due to a substance abuse problem.)

I am angry all the time and I don't want to be. I don't want my son to grow up with an angry mother. I want him to be happy and know that he is loved. I think blogging is a good outlet for me, but I never seem to have time to write or convey what I am really thinking. I think of my best posts while I am lying in bed at night, but my posts never seem to come out as eloquently as they sound in my head.

I think to help with my PPD I need to set realistic goals for myself that are achievable. In my support group we have to do one thing for ourselves during the week. I said I would exercise, which has been shot to shit because I got sick with a lovely cold/flu which hit me smack in the middle of the weekend. A short term goal for me is to blog at least once a week. And to exercise once a week, be it a run, going to the gym or yoga. Next week my goal is to go to yoga at least once. Now that I typed it, I am committed to it.

To Sooth(er) or not to Sooth(er)?

I am a new parent. One of the issues I thought about was should I use a soother or not. I had the Gerber Nuk soothers in my hospital bag just in case but never ended up using them at the hospital. I didn't want my son get nipple confusion as I was bound and determined to breast feed. When he was a week old or so I used to use it when I put him down to sleep but wasn't quite out but still stirring. Once he was out, I removed it. I only did this a few times and we soon forgot about the soother and whenever we would try later he would just spit it out. Clearly my son prefers his boobs andWill not take a bottle; until this past weekend that is.

My fiance and I being new parents and being nukin futs decided to take a 6 1/2 week old baby on a road trip; A 13 hour road trip including a ferry ride. We broke it up stayed a night at my sisters where he proceeded to fuss for 6 hours on and off. Bad idea. Next day we get to our destination in eastern BC to his my fiance's family including grandparents who were just meeting Mr. Squeally Pants aka my son for the 1st time.
All in all the weekend was great, the traveling sucked. The 2nd day of traveling was good until the last hour. Where my son proceeded to crap 3 times in an hour. The trip back was hell. We did a 10 hour trip over 13 hours with a baby from eastern BC to Vancouver on a holiday Monday with butt loads of traffic from the Fraser Valley on which equals one pissed off kid, here enters the soother. I sat in the back with him most of the time. If he fussed I would put the soother in his mouth and held it there; Thus creating a monster. He went to town on this. When we got to my dad's and he screamed for 2.5 hours straight. We didn't want to give him the soother as it had done its job... He rocked, fed, held, song, bounced nothing would work but the soother. The only thing that got him to sleep was falling asleep on my chest.

Before the trip, we had a routine down. I would put him to bed drowsy, put on his Fisher Price Ocean mobile thingy and he would cry a bit and fall asleep for the most part. The trip messed him up. Yesterday we get home and the only thing he wanted was his soother, a habit which we do not want him to get into. My girlfriend says that babies have short memories. I have not researched this nor had time. But today we have been soother free; however he did take a bottle finally! I don’t' know if it was the soother or the fact that it contained breast milk but he drank it. I can't pump as I have Thrush, and hand expressing takes FOREVER. But I did it because I had to leave him with a friend for a few hours this morning. He took it from her and later today he took the rest from me. I hope he will take a bottle 1-2 times per week so I can have a bit of a break.

Should I use a soother or not?

Where Have I been?

Not that many people stop by here... yet. Well I had a baby that’s right and in the 3 1/2 weeks since I had him I haven't had the energy or the time to write a post. Seeing that woke up this morning around 630-7 bright eyed and bushy tailed and is content in his bouncy seat and there not a chance of me going to sleep it's the perfect time to write a post.

There are so many things I want to write about parenthood and various topics. I don’t' know where to begin. Being a parent is not what I thought it would be. I do not love this new born stage I thought I would but I don't. I can't wait until my son gets older and can do more. I am sleep deprived, I am milk machine, and diaper changer. My fiancé has been wonderful around the house and doing what he can feeding us, doing housework, and watching the baby when he can. My son doesn't have a pseudo name on here yet. I love him, I do. But my time is no longer my own and that's something that I have to get over. I find it hard to sleep at night as he breathes loud. I miss having my fiancé in the same room as us he is currently sleeping in the guest room. Feedings usually last an hour as I can't just lay him down when he is done. He needs to pass out on me for a good 10 minutes otherwise he will wake up the moment I put him in his bassinet. I am lucky he sleeps in his bassinet. This weekend I want my fiancé to mount the blind in his room so I can start napping him in there. We did have one from Ikea but it has a long cord which = potential strangulation at a later age. Best not to have that to deal with when he is mobile.

So he came early by 9 days. He was born on April fools day. This kid clearly wanted a birthday all of his own. My water broke at 1pm on March 30th and I never went into labor on my own so I was induced with pictocin. He was born vaginally with the help of morphine, and epidural and gas 42.5 hours after my water broke. he was 6 lbs 9 oz. I don't know how long he weighed which saddens me as the midwife didn't measure him correctly. When I took him to the doctor at 2 weeks he was 19 and 7/8 inches. I also don't have a family photo of me, the baby at birth and my fiancé which saddens me. No body was there for my L and D except my fiancé and the hospital staff. My own mother wouldn’t come which I don't think I am going to be able to forgive. My sister wanted to but she lives pretty far about 4 hours plus a ferry ride and her van was in the shop and 3 kids... But if I had wanted her to she woulda been there in a heartbeat. I will give the play by play of my L and D later. I think now that I have written a post I may have opened up the flood gates. I have many issues I want to write about when my little man permits it that is. I am all for sharing with strangers. I feel that other blogs I read really allow me to get to know the reader and I feel a kinship or something like that with other bloggers. I should probably go eat before he needs to.

37th Week in Review

I am 38 weeks today and still pregnant. I am setting myself up to go to my due date and beyond so if I do I am not disappointed. At my check up yesterday I was told that I am not dilated, but my cervix has thinned out some. This is good but not what I had hoped for. The baby hasn't engaged or dropped. My midwife suggested that I walk up and down hills and stairs. So I have been hitting hills around our neighbourhood and our stairs. I really hope this does the trick. My 37th week was interesting to say the least. I celebrated Easter and my birthday. My fiancé and I went over to see my family and friends and of all the presents I got I must say the cat gave me the best presents. Not only did she give me one, but 2 presents!

When Eric and I got home and were unpacking we were in the nursery and he noticed a funny smell. I looked in the crib which the cat decided to make her litter box while we were away for 2 days. My first thought was this cat has some insight to be jealous of a baby that isn't even here yet, but it didn't seem right given she has never made her business outside of her litter box before. So when we looked at the closet where we keep her box, we realized that the door was closed so she didn't have access to her box. So this mess was essentially our fault. I didn't punish her or anything but I felt really mad at myself for neglecting to check this. I made sure that she had plenty of food and water but didn't check to make sure she had access to her box. I felt and still feel horrible as I am sure she was pretty upset. I don't know what made her choose the crib, but at least she kept it to one place. Eric and I also learned a life lesson that you need a waterproof mattress pad when you have a baby which we didn't have until after this incident. (And he said we wouldn’t need one) Needless to say all the bedding, mattress and crib got a cleaning I never thought it would see until the baby arrived.

37 weeks, 20 days to go...

I haven't felt like blogging much. (Not that I have (m)any readers I am sure given the newness of this blog.) I in the final stretch of my pregnancy and I don't feel like doing anything at all. I am the epitome of lazy. Many things cross my mind in which to blog about, but I never get around to writing about them. For a little while (2 days) I didn't have heartburn. I was hoping it was over, but not it came back the second I realized something was different.

I had my 37 week check-up with my midwife and my cervix is still closed for business, so I don't think I will be having my baby in the next week.

What I have managed to do is go to a few mommy/baby events at a local coffee shop so I am getting a chance to meet other moms. However, I don't seem to share the same views as them as they tend to be the holistic type. A bunch of them are telling me to not have anti-biotics during labor (I need them as I tested positive for Group B Strep [GBS] in my 19th week of pregnancy, and it's a preventative measure for baby) which as much as I don't want to take them, the health of my baby the most important thing. I politely keep my views to myself, but do not like being told what/who/how to have my labor. I want to be as natural as possible and do this drug free if I can but I am going into labor with an open mind and plan on having a hospital birth. One mom in particular is going on about Antibiotic use and VRE outbreaks in hospitals. While I respect that opinion I don't want my child getting a meningitis or some other GBS related illness.

This is quite the choppy post as I have been researching these topics while writing... I'm going to go get my day started. Something should hopefully pop here later.

A little intro to Me

I have moved over here from wordpress as I find Blogger to be more user- friendly and I want to maintain an anonymous blog where I can write/vent about my life. Here is a little about me:

I am in my mid 20's and my fiancé Eric and I are expecting our 1st child in about a month. He is in the navy and so I guess I can be classified as a "navy wife" however; I do not like the stigma attached to that. I have always worked and like to think I am able support myself and be a contributing member to our household; until my employer laid me off when I was 6 months pregnant. (Which I am still bitter about, and I may write about it sometime.) I originally started blogging as way to express my views and to occupy my time as I moved in with Eric a year ago and I was/still am 3 hours away from any family or friends and didn’t know any body and year later I still don’t really know many people. As the one good friend I had moved, and when I want to socialize I generally make the trek to my hometown; which doesn’t really help my case. 3 hours isn't all that far but throw in an Island and I feel trapped at times given that between the hours of 9pm-7am there is know way off this island unless I want to fly which is costly and not a viable option.

This isn’t intended as a mommy blog; I have more to write about than that. But given that I am about to have my 1st baby you’ll be hearing a lot about that. I hope I can entertain any readers that I stumble across this and my wry attempt at humor.